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News items on 'Relationship Difficulties'
Will I ever get back my exhusband who left me after I'd been raped?
(Telegraph 09/11/2009)
I was with my husband for four years. I came home from a work trip abroad and told him that I had been raped but that I didn't want to report the incident because of the disruption it would bring into our lives. I liked my job, and my husband was in the middle of building a business. I wasn't going to tell him at all, but he noticed my strange mood. After a difficult two months of medical tests and all-night talks, I told him I was pregnant from the rape and wanted an abortion...
Why experts say younger, smarter wives make for a long marriage
(BBC 26/10/2009)
The secret to a happy marriage for men is choosing a wife who is smarter and at least five years younger than you, say UK experts. These pairings are more likely to go the distance, particularly if neither has been divorced in the past, according to the Bath University team. The work is published in the European Journal of Operational Research. The researchers studied interviews of more than 1,500 couples who were married or in a serious relationship.
(Telegraph 16/10/2009)
When you are at odds with someone close to you, the One-Minute Drill can show you to how to express your feelings effectively - and how to listen more skilfully. All it requires is two individuals who are committed to improving their relationship. Set aside at least ten minutes, then sit facing each other. Decide who will be the Talker and who will be the Listener. It makes no difference, because later you will reverse roles.
'I don't know if I can get over my intense family emotions'
(Telegraph 12/10/2009)
I always worried about my parents and see my younger siblings, especially my brother, as being spoilt and irresponsible. This has led to rows over the years and, recently to a total breakdown in communication between me and my husband and my family. I have put my husband's needs second to my family's all this time. I feel very emotional about all this and angry, disappointed and completely invalidated by my family.
Complainers often just want someone to listen to them
(Telegraph 09/10/2009)
There are several mistakes that people commonly make when dealing with someone who complains a lot: they try to give advice, try to help practically, or try to cheer the complainer up. These strategies are doomed to fail. Most of the time, the complainer just wants you to listen. They want you to understand what they're saying, accept how they feel, and agree that there's some truth in their complaints. So here are some tips on how to handle complainers:
'How can I stop my colleagues swearing and blaspheming?'
(Telegraph 25/09/2009)
I work in an open-plan office with a lot of young people who think nothing of using bad language when talking (loudly...) to each other. To them it's just banter, but casual obscenity - with the occasional blasphemous remark thrown in - upsets me greatly. I shudder every time I hear the F word. The last thing I want to do is be confrontational, but feel I must act. What is the best way to get them to tone it done without getting their hackles up or my bosses involved?
Now you're talking: making relationships work through positive communication
(Telegraph 18/09/2009)
Most people don't do a very good job of listening. When they're upset, they don't acknowledge how the other person is feeling and insist that the other person is wrong. Next time you have a row with someone, keep a mental list of whether you are guilty of the following errors: *Truth. You insist that you are right. * Blame. You imply that the problem is all the other person's fault. * Defensiveness. You argue and refuse to admit any flaw or shortcoming...
(Telegraph 11/09/2009)
Dr David Burns is a cognitive therapist specialising in relationship management. This week: are you sure it's your partner's fault? So who is more to blame for the problems you are having with your partner? Most people are convinced that the other person is to blame. When I ask for a show of hands at my intimacy workshops, 90 per cent of the people say it's the other person's fault. But is it? There are lots of good reasons to blame the other person for the problems in your relationship.
How rocky is your relationship?
(Telegraph 04/09/2009)
Think about any person you're involved in a relationship with. It could be your spouse, mother, sister, or boss - anyone at all will do. To determine how satisfied or dissatisfied you feel about that relationship, spend a couple of minutes taking the Relationship Satisfaction Test (RSAT). The RSAT is not a pop psychology quiz. Used in studies published in scientific journals, it is arguably the most accurate relationship satisfaction scale ever developed.
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